In North America, scarves as an accessory are not worn very frequently outside of more conservative circles and otherwise have a reputation for being just another accessory to wear when it’s cold outside. Scarves were once an accessory that were as ubiquitous as hats but have since fallen out of popularity because of trends. Their utility for changing the flair of your style cannot be understated though as there is an elegance that can rarely be matched by scarves. 

I will admit I myself am guilty of not utilizing scarves as much as I should have. It is very easy to prefer patterns on your blouse as opposed to that of a scarf but it does not mean a patterned blouse is better than a beautiful scarf. The versatility of the scarf and how you can wear it is one of its biggest advantages. It can be worn with coats, dresses, and tops of all different kinds. 

I inherited quite a few scarves that I never came to appreciate until another visit to France where scarves are far more common and saw all the different ways people wear them compared to back home. While this post will focus on the square silk scarf (as that’s pretty much all I have), scarves come in many shapes and fabrics. The added texture of a fur scarf or the layers of a pashmina can add a lot of visual interest to an outfit and the center-point of where people look.

One reason why I think silk scarves could be especially useful for trans fem people, is to draw attention away from unwanted features. Their location on your neck can easily hide your chest or even more along your neck itself. as scarves often act as the focal point of color for an outfit, they attract the most attention. Additionally, silk scarves are quite the gendered item so most people will assume the person wearing them is a woman. I have had friends tell me how just wearing a colorful scarf made them get gendered correctly.

Your choice of scarf matters a little bit as there are different kinds of scarves. such as

• Mufflers (Long and rectangular)
• Pashminas (usually woven of wool, intricate pattern)
• Square Scarves (A square, various sizes)
• Triangle Scarves (A triangle)
• Twillys (Very thin and short)

Square silk scarves can be folded and tied in many ways compared to other shapes but they do all have their use cases. A wool muffler scarf is going to be seen as less gendered because there is more practical intent behind it for keeping you warm. 

Basically all of my scarves are silk, which is what I would recommend for people to start off with. Silk comes in 2 main categories: The satin/charmeuse weave (shiny and softer), and chiffon weave (natural but more sheer, notice my fingers). Satin weaves won’t be as sheer as chiffon silk. It won’t matter that much as when you fold and tie the scarf the sheerness is unnoticeable.

You can usually tell from pictures what they are but they feel completely different. Chiffon silk is much lighter and see through compared to a satin weave which is ‘shiny’. 

While these can easily be replaced by polyester or viscose respectively if you don’t feel like shelling out the money silk typically asks for, they won’t drape as nicely. 2nd hand silk scarves are also very affordable as the demand isn’t super high. I would also say to just go for larger sized square scarves (~35inches or 90cm) in general because they are large enough to be tied in most ways without being overly bulky when trying for a smaller look.

There are MANY ways to tie a scarf that I cannot go into much detail for but the following videos go into detail for how to tie them. I will highlight a few that I use the most or are the most useful. Don’t feel like you need to know every knot, just find a couple that you like.

20 ways to wear a scarf + how-to tips | Justine Leconte

How to Tie and Wear a Scarf like a French Woman

Styling all of my silk scarves – 35 looks! Style | Fashion | Beauty | Mindset

The methods I usually use are from these videos and these knots are typically pretty quick to tie or undo if I need.

• Cowboy Knot
• Parisian/European Way
• Waterfall
• Choker

I’m fairly lazy most of the time since it’s super windy where I am, they end up blowing in my face frequently or become undone.  

When purchasing a scarf it’s generally important to know how you like to tie them first. If you like showing off the center of the scarf, go for x knot. If you like to show the whole patten, go for x knot. Many scarfs will have symmetric designs so it will matter less, however many also don’t. It doesn’t matter that much you’ll just need to remember the orientation you like to tie it in, or get some added versatility from rotating it around.

For me, I use the cowboy knot the most so have to keep in mind how large the border is around the main deisgn is, like this:

Let’s say I bought the green scarf because, I liked the green. Given that the border is nearly 7 inches, I most likely would buy it with that in mind because the knot I use the most means the main feature I like isn’t as prominent as I want it to be.

How I typically wear a scarf is with a slightly formal top, either black or white, sometimes even a plain white t-shirt. This way your outfit can be elevated with a scarf without detracting from anything as the other parts of the outfit serve to highlight the scarf.

One thing I would avoid pairing scarves with are patterned tops. You don’t want to overload yourself with too many details and seem like you just doing whatever. Compare a more detailed black top with just a plain black t shirt. Sometimes it can work if the rest of the colors of your outfit match with the scarf but

Silk scarves, because they are not often worn by men, can even help to add a feminine detail like with leather jackets. This is especially helpful for repurposing pieces you had from before or just for more androgynous looks.

What matters the most is how you choose to tie it as it drastically changes what the scarf is highlighting. Most of them will frame your face to be highlighted or are used to draw away attention from something to the scarf.

To mask the size of your shoulders, you should focus on framing your face with the scarf. That can mean creating a lot of volume around your neck or chest to focus away for the width of your shoulders. It’s like making yourself look bigger when confronting a bear but the bear is dysphoria or something like that.

They also make it easier to not worry about the color of clothes I’m wearing since covering both ends of the color spectrum means I should have it covered no matter what I’m wearing. If you tend to wear darker colors for clothes more frequently look for a colored scarf with black details instead so its more seamless with your wardrobe, and white details if you wear more white.

Because scarves go around your neck for the most part they’re going to be VERY noticeable, and thus are pretty seasonal. You can definitely own more, but if you plan on wearing them frequently I highly suggest starting with just a few until you’ve really figured out how they fit into your personal style and wardrobe. Scarves take a lot of practice to learn how to tie them and just which methods you like. If you plan on buying a patterned square scarf, be prepared for many hours of playing dress up with it to learn how to tie them how you like as there is nothing worse than getting ready and taking 10 minutes just to figure out how to wear your scarf that day.

One thing to note is depending on your top/jacket’s collar, it can change how the scarf drapes on your body, look at the edges. For example let’s use the same ‘cowboy knot’ with a t shirt (no collar), vs this button up shirt (with a collar)

If you look around the edges, the scarf rolls upwards as it rests along the collar instead of draping flat around your neck. Just something to keep in mind when choosing your way of tying the scarf.

That’s not to say it looks bad to wear a scarf with a collared shirt. Sometimes a scarf can really enhance everything by adding some extra detail or tying all of the colors together. For example take the following outfit:

It isn’t a bad outfit without the scarf but it looks more elegant with the scarf as it adds an additional texture (silk), color, and ties together all of the colors while framing my face.

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If you want to use more ‘advanced’ techniques with your scarves, many people use them to wrap other accessories. This includes headbands, belts, or the straps of bags, etc. You have to be a fashion try-hard to pull this off in most cases (except headbands) but it can work. I don’t do this because I find it’s just a bit and I don’t use my purses that often anyway but here are some examples.

A specific kind of scarf used for this is called a “twilly” as they are thin and long, designed for a simple wrap around something (purse handle, neck, etc.)

Not as many people know of these but there are also accessories you can use specifically for you scarf called scarf rings. It can be very difficult to find scarf rings but Etsy is a decent place to look. One of the things I find the most frustrating about scarves is how they cover up my necklaces or other jewelry but scarf rings add a small touch that I personally enjoy a lot. Unless you frequently wear scarves I wouldn’t consider these necessary. 

Most of the time scarf rings are exactly what they are in name, a ring, however there are some other shapes out there like this one. I bought the Hermes mors scarf ring as a graduation gift to myself, in no world do you actually need to spend this much money on anything. This allows for a few different ways to tie it that cannot normally be done with a regular circle shape

Unfortunately scarf rings are super niche to begin with so you will most likely only find them in an actual ring shape. You can even use your own rings if you want, just be cautious of their weight as it’s possible for them to slip off without you noticing, especially with heavier materials like stainless steel. Theoretically, the tension of the fabric being pulled through the ring should be enough to prevent them from slipping away however movement will loosen even the tightest of knots overtime.

They are very useful for creating new looks through tying them in ways otherwise not possible.

Some scarf rings can really elevate the look as well. Tying knots on the scarf itself is fine but I find it looks more elegant most of the time with a ring when the style suits it. Even with a T shirt I find you can change the look quite a bit.

if you got this far congratulations, you may notice this feels unfinished and that’s because it is! I have had a lot going on in my life for the past few months but wanted to at least put this draft out, otherwise I have no idea when it will see the light of day. I’ll polish it off one day I’m sure.