I think lots of us worry about how much we ‘pass’ through our transition. It can be really daunting to start on changing your appearance or your voice, whatever it is. There’s so many things you can do as you become more comfortable with yourself and how you present yourself, and many of the things we do along the way until we find a comfortable spot might not be the comfiest.

These are some tips I’ve compiled from my own experience, feel free to leave a  comment with other tips you might have. I recommend trying these in the kind of order they are listed, but you don’t need to give every single one a try.

Obviously I’m not going to mention the obvious things like wearing breast forms or a wig for if you haven’t grown out your hair and doing elaborate makeup contouring, mostly because those are not really subtle. They can all help immensely in areas that clothing doesn’t affect and may not be useful for everyone.

We’ll start with the ‘lowest effort’ things. Some may take time to perfect as you find what works for you and the process of doing it.

Wear your hair up 

Wearing your hair up may seem counterintuitive as long hair = woman but what equals even MORE woman is long hair that’s worn up. So this could be in a bun, a high ponytail, a braid, etc. Certain accessories like hair clips also add to this enhancing the must be woman train of thought, however do not use hair ties like this:

as men with long hair might use those too when putting their hair in a top knot or low ponytail. There are many many ways to braid your hair up or tie it so I’ll simply show the main difference.

I’ll have a future post about this since many people including myself make mistakes for what is assumed to be basic knowledge (but isn’t).

Perfume

Sometimes smelling girly can help. This is for more specific situations where you are close to people and can’t see much of you or hear you either. Using this tip during the winter when taking the train or a bus can help signal to people who you are even when all layered up for the weather. You don’t want too strong of a scent as if you fill up the room the moment you walk in people might think something is wrong with you. Women are expected to have a more subtle smell.

An important note on this however is if you use perfume a lot you will become desensitized to it and may use more than needed, so never use more than 2 sprays even if you think you can’t smell it. Some perfumes can be expensive so before you buy go somewhere like Sephora or Macy’s and smell some, they might even give you small samples and you can test the difference.

Hair Accessories

Putting things in your hair such as pins or clips help immensely because they typically have to match with your outfit. Specifically, having hair accessories is an extra step very few masculine identifying people will take. Claw clips are a perfect way to style your hair subtly while maintaining a professional look, scrunchies are simply better than hair ties for accessories but are more of a fun/casual vibe. 

Headbands aren’t just limited to Rambo. They were once in fashion and for good reason! Headbands can be either sporty or chic and depending on how you place them, can also help bring a hairline back to life a bit through bridging a gap.

Another life hack is to just always have sunglasses on the top of your head. I can’t explain why but they really do add femininity when they’re the right kind.. I consider them to be a hair accessory. 

Earrings

This was one of the very first things I noticed that made a huge difference in how I perceived myself. I got my ears pierced when I was still growing out my hair but it made me happy in a way I hadn’t felt before. Because we live in a society, this can be a great tip for people who might live in a place they’re unable to be ‘out’ in as earrings become more popular with men.

The best earrings you can wear hands down are hoops. I think larger kinds are better 

I would try to avoid plain gemstones or metal studs because these days it’s not uncommon to see men wear them (at least where I live). Also do not only wear 1 earring, that also seems to be a trend with drop earrings. 

Simultaneously, not too many as being ‘alternative’ is also a rejection of gender norms. 3 or less (for your ear lobe) and also not all the same kind of style. This is important because if you wear ‘edgy’ kind of jewelry all in silver without gems or something similar that’s going to be seen as more of an androgynous look.

I would stick to very feminine jewelry if you do plan on wearing 3 or more earrings. 

For example: big hoops, gems aside from diamond-esque, girly shaped things, etc.

Piercings like an industrial piercing can skew things more androgynous so keep that in mind. 

Also as an important side note, do not sleep with anything like pins or clips in your hair as friction can cause your hair to thin!

Do your nails

First note on this: AVOID BLACK NAIL POLISH, this is because men wear black nail polish far more than any other actual color. And it also falls under ‘alt culture’ so it is genderless. (all nail polish is but we live in a society). Neutral/Natural colors will be the most feminine because primarily only women wear those colors (with the exception of white but it’s fine).

In order to paint your nails you need 3 things: a base coat to protect your nails, the color, and a top coat to protect the color. I prefer doing 2 layers of color to make sure it’s evenly applied but you don’t need to. If you really like nail polish you can also just apply color if you change things up a lot or are simply in a rush.

Having long nails might help significantly but I personally am not a fan of them just because they ruin your dexterity as well as being kind of expensive unless you do them yourself. 

Learning how to do your own nails isn’t that hard and just requires practice. The most important tip I can give is to make sure you anchor your elbows to something to prevent shaking. You can also buy these separators to help for your toes. Going to a salon is always an option as well if you want a full pedicure.

Now for the higher effort options.

Stick to certain cuts of clothing

This can be things that are tight, or things that are cropped. Basically anything with an “irregular” shape to it. This would also include some details to it like flared jeans, men’s clothing is SUPER plain and boring, often nothing but straight cuts and a crew neck or maybe v necks. I will probably go into more depth with this at another time, but in short for now: stuff that brings attention to feminine features (like low neckline) or things seen as explicitly kind of girly, like ruffles.

Do not wear button up shirts buttoned all the way up! Necklines make a huge difference as showing skin, like with the sleeves also has an impact.

This also applies to things like glasses. I have a really old pair for highschool to demonstrate compared to the ones I wear now.

Accessorize 

Men just throw on a top, a hoodie maybe, some pants/shorts and call it a day. Women put more thought into everything so if you have more well planned out things that go together like chunky bracelets and earrings, it will be more apparent that you are dressing femininely when things are thought out more. Whether this includes jewelry or makeup, even just accent colors matching with your bag can go a long way. Things that are accessories are basically anything that’s optional to wear, so belts and jewelry for example.

This can include bags!

Or even just adding a pin(s).

Wear clothing that is seen as super gendered

This includes skirts, blouses, dresses, heels, certain colors (like pink), wearing more colors in general as men’s fashion is boring. Keep in mind which you choose though if something brings you dysphoria, such as your hips, then don’t wear leggings for example. If you need tips on what you might want to wear to emphasize feminine features I have these 2 posts for minimizing your shoulders and making your hips look bigger. This is obviously less subtle and may not be suitable for everyone depending on where they live but makes a large difference.

Style your hair

Not much to be said here other than make sure you do it if you can. It’s going to take lots of time to nail down your routine including finding the products that work for you but hair really makes a huge difference. Don’t be afraid to wear wigs if you haven’t grown out your hair yet but want to! 

A hair stylist at a salon can help you find a look suited for your face shape and everything as well if you don’t have any idea what you want or are afraid to mess it up by doing it yourself.

Image Source: Buzzfeed

This also applies to your eyebrows. Getting them treated (laminating, microblading, threading, tinting, etc.) makes a big difference as having your eyebrows on fleek as the kids say is a big trend. 

Have lots of volume to your hair. 

Women take care of and blow dry their hair to make it poof out, men do not typically have poofy hair. Using a curling iron or straightener may help you achieve this look depending on your hair type. The easiest way to do it is a round brush and blowdryer when out of the shower. Because everyone’s hair type is different I would find a guide for your hair type.

Even better is if you have natural curls or waves. Because men tend to have shorter hair they aren’t as visible and therefore can be on the feminine leaning side of things if your hair is long enough.

Dye your hair a non-natural color

Even better if it is 2 non natural colors because most people will see that as you needed to go to a salon for that, and only women go to a salon. No man is going to spend 200$ or whatever to dye their hair. Just in general it’s more likely for women to have colored hair. 

Have good and glowy skin

This is WAYYY easier said than done, especially if you do electrolysis or laser but if you give off a certain glow people will perceive you differently for sure. Many stores such as Sephora or the makeup department people (in other stores like pharmacies if you have them) will also be taught a bit about skincare. The best place to go to is a dermatologist and specifically younger ones as I have personally found older dermatologists to be kind of useless regarding what skincare encompasses today. My basic advice on what everyone needs: retinoid, a sunscreen or sunscreen/moisturizer combo, vitamin c serum, a cleanser for your skin type, and an exfoliating acid. Eventually I will make a post about the essentials.

And this last thing is more anecdotal advice so feel free to ignore it but, do not dress as a caricature (over the top) or stereotype of a certain style/look if your main objective is to not get misgendered. And avoid androgynous styles like punk/alternative looks.

Not wearing things that actually look good together is a sure way to stand out which isn’t always the best thing. If you feel good wearing a short skirt and comfortable hoodie, then be aware how it can be seen as a kind of statement rather than just a nice feminine outfit. Same thing goes for over the top looks, all pink head to toe for example. It needs to be flattering to work!

In summary

• Wearing your hair up – Most women wear their hair up and with the right style can really make a difference depending on the condition of your hair!
• Perfume – Our sense of smell is often overlooked for how we perceive people, it helps in scenarios you can’t dress explicitly feminine like with a winter coat.
• Hair Accessories – As long as it isn’t a hair tie, nearly anything you put in your hair will be a touch a femininity.
• Accessorize – Accessories like a belt or a bag can really make the difference in how your outfit looks!
• Stick to gendered clothing – Dresses and skirts are a great way to appear feminine, just make sure it’s flattering.
• Style your hair – Changing how your hair looks is no easy task but because it is one of the prime features of your appearance it can really have a massive impact on your confidence and general vibes.
• Add volume to your hair – The poofier your hair the better!
• Dye your hair non natural colors – Because dyeing your hair is expensive most people don’t bother with it, but those who do can enjoy the many compliments from other women saying how cool your hair looks!